B-

In the book, Learning from the Heart by Daniel Gottlieb, the author asks his terminally ill father if he could grade his life, what would it be. At first, the elder says "B" with little explanation. A few weeks later and closer to his death, he tells his son that he wants to change his "B" to an "A", again with very little explanation.

In thinking about this, I'd have to give my life thus far a B-. I say this because I have lived through a lot, I have accomplished even more, and I have certainly become a better person as the years get tacked on. (I certainly wouldn't say an "A" because I haven't lived that long!) Which brings me to another point in this book.

"An identity is just an illusion."

Why I wouldn't say a solid "B" is because I put far too much effort into my work career. I push and push myself until burnout (it's happened many times. HA!), I let off and regain my balance and go for it with my all once again. I felt that is what you do. I wanted to be looked up too. I wanted to be depended on. I wanted to succeed. I guess you could say; in the game of elementary school dodge ball, I wanted to be picked first.

This of coarse, pushes more important things, things that I enjoy, to the side. Traveling, taking vacations (I've been known to take a vacation to go work.), reading, and photography. I have said in the last couple of years, I wanted to take a trip to Norway to visit family, yet I had done nothing to make steps in that direction.

So here I am bashing my skull in trying to get ahead, when according to Mr. Gottlieb (a practicing psychologist and family therapist), the identity I am trying to achieve is just an illusion anyways. Bummer.

This is a learned behavior of coarse, and since it took me 34 years to get to this point, I am sure it will take some time to unlearn. But to take that first step, I purchased this cute ceramic piggy bank, I stumbled upon by accident actually. I put all my spare coins and bills I find in my pockets in this little piggy. It's called my Norway fund but it may just end up being the "It's My Time fund". I think I have $14.00 dollars so far. I have a long way to go, but the first step is an important one. Even if I never make it to the family farmstead, at least I allowed myself to dream.

Have a wonderful day everyone!!

P.S. The photo at the beginning of this blog: the 9y/o daughter of one of my patient's gave me this (the handwritten card). Amazing enough, it was one of the roughest days I had at work in a long while. Isn't life funny? :O)