CALLING DOCTOR MCDREAMY

Photo credit: google images

On Oprah there was a segment about where in the United States is the male to female ratio the greatest to the women's favor. Turns out it is the northeast of the US, however, ladies before you start to pack your bags for prime selection in the meat department you must beware of what else was said:

There was a guy who claimed to be a expert (I use the word loosely) on the panel suggesting to women how they need to make themselves stand out for these men to notice them. He suggested that at all times a woman must be dressed to impress. That's right, no sweats to the super market, you must always have freshly groomed eyebrows (I did not note if he said anything about freshly shaven legs), and simply forget wearing those flip-flops to fill up your gas tank.

This brought back memories of my not so beautiful moment(s)...........

I had come down with the flu in the middle of the night & having no one to go to the store for me, I had to drag myself out to my car and find a drugstore that was open. I pull up to a CVS in the middle of ghettoland, exited my vehicle and promptly puked in the parking lot. Once I got inside, I see a somewhat cute cashier whom seemed startled by my ashy makeup less complexion (not to mention the stench that was probably following me from outside). "Where is your cold n' flu medicine?" I mumble. He points, I make my purchase, and proceed to lay in a semi-comatose-semi-delirious state on the bathroom floor wrapped in four quilts for the next three days.

Once the fever and chills subsided a full blown head cold followed. By now it's the weekend and there is no need to call in sick so I just stuck it out thinking the worst was probably over. Not quite.

Sunday morning I awake to darkness. I could not open my eyes. It was as though some little troll had sneaked in and super glued my eyes shut as a practical joke. I felt my way to the bathroom and put a warm cloth to them. When I got them to finally pry open all I see is two flaming red eyeballs looking back at me with goo caked at the corners. Great. Pink eye.

I refer to my friend, Dr. Google, and see what the heck am I supposed to do now. It's 5:30am Sunday morning and there will be no doctor office open in this time zone/day. There are three different types of Pink Eye. One is due to allergies. The other is due to bacterial. And the last one is viral which requires nothing really for treatment other then time to let it run its course, however, you could use OTC (Pink) eye drops. Since none of my symptoms matched the first two, I diagnosed myself (and was confirmed via the actual eye doctor the next day) with the latter and headed back to CVS.

You guessed it, the same cashier is working. My hair is unwashed, I've been in the same clothes for two days in a row, the end of my nose is raw and peeling, and my eyes look as though I have been on a crying jag for the last 34 years. "Where is your Pink eye solution?" I snip. He points, I make my purchase, and proceed to hang around the apartment for the next 5 days because I was considered "contagious" until my cough subsided.


Sweet dreams my lovely readers.